Andy Dawson: Ten things we learned from the weekend’s football

The Profanity Swan is a fan of Watford's sacking of Marco Silva and he’s here to let the world know…

Marco Silva had to go

The Watford board had no choice but to sack their manager following the side’s slump in form, all brought about after Everton came sniffing around earlier in the season.

Imagine your girlfriend bumped into Ed Sheeran down the off licence and he flattered her and she wouldn’t stop going on about it to you. All ‘Ed Sheeran this’ and ‘Ed Sheeran that’ until eventually you snapped and dumped her because who the hell does Ed Sheeran think he is anyway?

Everton is Ed Sheeran, you are Watford and your (now ex) girlfriend is Marco Silva. No one is blaming you.

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Watford’s managerial policy is right

All the lazy-thinking pundits and you AND your mates are busy wanging on about how Watford have had something like nine managers in the past three years and that they’ll never get anywhere with their revolving door policy.

Well they’re in the top half of the Premier League and you’re not, so shut your face. Okay, so a similar policy isn’t working so well for UKIP but what am I – a scientist?

Arsenal are back!

Four goals, some free-flowing football and a smile back on the faces of their miserable fans. The corner has been turned and the glory days are here again!

Chelsea are back!

Four goals, some free-flowing football and a smile back on the faces of their miserable fans. The corner has been turned and the glory days are here again!

Their Carabao semi will probably be shite

Place your bets on another cagey 0-0 and extra time. You’ll have stopped caring long before the penalty shoot-out.

Arsenal need to go all-out for Conte

He’s a winner, he seems to love the Premier League, but he seems to hate being at Chelsea. The Gunners need to get over their Wenger obsession and facilitate what would be the easiest and most sensible managerial coronation imaginable. Football clubs don’t like doing the obvious though, so don’t expect it to happen.

Rafa Benitez looks broken

Okay, so getting anything at all away at Manchester City was always going to a task tougher than winning your girlfriend’s affections back from Ed Sheeran, but the Newcastle manager had dismay written all over his face when City’s third goal went in.

The promise of consciously uncoupling himself from Mike Ashley and having a big bundle of January transfer cash is long gone and you wouldn’t blame Rafa if he quit St. James’ Park for an easier, less frustrating job elsewhere.

Feeding the otters at Tynemouth’s Blue Reef Aquarium for example.

The other promoted sides are flailing too

Between them, Newcastle, Huddersfield and Brighton have won just five of their last 41 matches. Early promise has faded and the grueling nature of the Premier League is wearing them down.

The bottom half of the table is wide open – if those three don’t find an extra gear, they could all be headed back from whence they came.

We’re not appreciating Sergio Aguero enough

Following his perfect hat-trick on Saturday (left foot, right foot and one off the hair), the lad has now scored 138 goals in 200 Manchester City appearances.

That’s a similar average as Harry Kane has nabbed and the Spurs striker is regularly lauded as the Premier League’s goals god.

Also, Aguero has been at it for longer, but doesn’t seem to get anywhere close to the same fevered praise as Kane. Weird.

Chelsea’s hunt for a big man is hilarious

If only Robert Pershing Wadlow was still with us…

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