TONY PULIS IS DOWN BUT NOT OUT
Even though he’s been sacked by West Brom this morning, you can be sure that Pulis won’t be feeling sorry for himself or letting this minor setback get in the way of his vision as a manager. You can bet he’s still sporting his tracksuit, cap and trainers today, possibly picking up some pot plants from a local garden centre and working on some defensive drills with them in his back garden. Who knows – perhaps he’s online, sending off a speculative email about the Zimbabwe job, now that Robert Mugabe’s on the ropes.
HALLOWEEN ISN’T OVER YET!
Don’t throw away those rancid pumpkins just yet – the spirit of horror is still among us in the shape of David Moyes’ haunted expression. Last seen summoning darkened clouds of doom at the Stadium of Light, the face that could curdle milk has reappeared, this time in the West Ham dugout. He’s only one game into his Hammers tenure but Moyes already looks as though the task in hand is giving him sleepless nights.
After the 2-0 defeat at Watford, he called for ‘unity’ from the fans after they chanted against the club’s hierarchy. Don’t worry, Davey – they’ll soon be including you in those chants and you’ll have that unity you’re craving.
REFS BE REFFING (PART ONE)
For most of the first half, Arsenal v Spurs was about as delicious as derby matches get. Both sides were on the front foot, with a smattering of defensive errors and it was shaping up to be a proper treat.
But, forever looming in the background of this footballing feast was Mike Dean, a man who never shirks from the task when it comes to making himself the unwanted centre of attention with his ‘special input’. Sure enough, the free kick he gave for a non-foul by Davinson Sanchez led directly to Arsenal’s opening goal (with a missed hint of offside thrown in for good measure).
The second goal a few minutes later also had a whiff of illegality about it, and at 2-0 at half time, the match was over as a contest. Ah well – those first 36 minutes were genuinely thrilling.
REFS BE REFFING (PART TWO)
Manchester City’s invincibility could have been seriously put to the test on Saturday if Graham Scott had been bold enough to show Vincent Kompany the red card less than two minutes into the defender’s comeback match after he scythed down Jamie Vardy.
But he somehow opted for a yellow, City kept all 11 men on the pitch and cruised to another comfortable win. Maybe the Premier League bosses need to draft a new rule to make them play with ten men each week in order to make the rest of the season competitive…
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ANY SYMPATHY FOR MANCHESTER CITY’S ‘PLIGHT’
Pep Guardiola, on the upcoming fixture pile-up: ‘The calendar is so demanding’
MATE, YOUR TEAM COST A BILLION FUCKING QUID. STOP YOUR FUCKING BLEATING.
NEWCASTLE ARE IN A STICKY PATCH
You’d think the atmosphere whould be buzzing in the city that last week brought us the Sausage Roll Baby Jesus but the Magpies are right in the middle of a shitty run of form. Their 4-1 capitulation at Old Trafford means they’ve only won one league match in the past two months and that mooted takeover needs to get signed and sealed before the January transfer window opens or they could find themselves embroiled in a relegation battle.
Great – now I’ve gone and given myself a Greggs sausage roll craving…
ZLATAN IS BACK!
And comparing his recovery powers to those to a lion. He’s ridiculous but god, we’ve missed him. Imagine if he was a sausage roll though…
MAYBE ROY HODGSON’S GOLDEN STREAK IS AT AN END
As Palace continue to flounder, let’s think back at the many highs in Hodgson’s glittering career and wonder if he’s finally ran out of glory.
No, wait, that doesn’t work at all…
ZINEDINE ZIDANE MUST BE ON BORROWED TIME
Even heroes aren’t immune from a massive boot up the arse and Real Madrid’s boss could be getting one straight through the exit door very, very shortly. Floundering ten points behind Barcelona this early in the season is a catastrophe for the Frenchman. Giving the job to Cristiano Ronaldo at this stage would be my tip and an hilarious turn of events, if Madrid are looking for further chaos.
WELL DONE, CELTIC!
Belated congratulations to the SPL champions. Some say that your 64-match unbeaten run is the footballing equivalent of facing a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest but I’m not one of them. No way.