Romelu Lukaku is a wonderfully talented centre-forward, and it won’t be long until he starts banging in the goals once more. But, for the moment, in front of goal he’s about as effective as a papier-mache fishing boat.
He last netted on 30 September, grabbing the 86th-minute fourth goal in a 4-0 rout of Crystal Palace, and a lot has gone down since then…
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England won the u17 World Cup
…and the hype-machine went into overdrive.
If social media is to be believed, the Three Lions are now set to win the full World Cup at least three times in the next 20 years.
You have to feel sorry in advance for these kids – they’ve laid down a marker that the redtops will hold them to for the remainder of their professional careers. Still, at least…
England qualified for the World Cup
Ok, so they did it with a series of dull, coma-inducing performances against the likes of Slovenia and Lithuania, but who cares? England’s brave boys are on their way to Russia, where they’ll surely thrill all and sundry with a feeble quarter-final exit at the hands of Iceland.
Twitter convinced itself that Melania Trump has a body double
This is a typically off-the-wall example of conspiracy theorising. On the other hand, you could easily understand that poor Melania might go to great lengths to avoid spending time in the presence of her husband.
Hurricane Ophelia battered Ireland and parts of the UK
Some were more bothered than others:
Catalonia declared independence from Spain
Thankfully, the Spanish police’s response was calm and measured:
CATALONIAN POLICE BRUTALITY . NOT LIES . CATALONIA INDEPENDENCE IS THE BIG LIE. WE ARE CATALANS FOR THIS REASON WE ARE DOUBLE SPANISH pic.twitter.com/xwpHZGC9Mk
— ANGEL DE ESPAÑA I (@ANGELDEESPANYA) October 22, 2017
Everton, Leicester, Rangers and Sunderland sacked their managers
Ronald Koeman, the man who helped Lukaku make his name at Everton, ended up losing his job as a result of his team being absolutely rubbish.
In less exciting Managerial Merry-go-round news, Pedro Caixinha, Craig Shakespeare and Simon Grayson also departed their clubs.
The Carabao Cup draw descended into farce
Of course, it was all someone else’s fault.
Draw delayed: Carabao Cup Round Five Draw will now take place at 5pm following a minor technical glitch at Twitter HQ.
— Carabao Cup (@Carabao_Cup) October 26, 2017
The #CarabaoCup Round Five Draw has finally taken place. Take a look at the pre-recorded video and see who your team got. pic.twitter.com/g6Tl9IxseK
— Carabao Cup (@Carabao_Cup) October 26, 2017
.@TwitterUK has today issued a formal apology to the @EFL following the events that led to issues at yesterday’s Carabao Cup Draw.
— Carabao Cup (@Carabao_Cup) October 27, 2017
Lewis Hamilton became Formula 1 World Champion again
Sadly, no amount of Championship wins can compensate for this:
Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein were accused of numerous sexual assaults
Who would have thought that two famous men in positions of power would take advantage of their status?
Harvey attempted to shake off the accusations by spending a few weeks on holiday at an exclusive resort in Arizona, while Spacey’s approach to evading further attention was simply to come out as gay on Twitter.
Harvey Weinstein: I’m gonna have the worst response to a sexual harassment accusation ever.
Kevin Spacey: hold my beer.
— Jennifer MQ (@jenniferm_q) October 30, 2017
The US withdrew from UNESCO
Who needs culture and history anyway? Not the US, certainly, as it has none.
Yet you've just pulled the USA out of @UNESCO you bumbling moronic idiotic corrupt uneducated gauche unfit emotionally stunted traitor https://t.co/n8JHjpNnfA
— Screw You Trump (@rareDonaldTrump) October 21, 2017
59 people were murdered in a mass shooting in Las Vegas
There’s nothing funny about this. But it happened.
Tottenham beat Real Madrid 3-1 in the Champions League
No, really.
Spurs are the first team to beat Real Madrid in the Champions League group stages since October 2012.
Ending their 30-game unbeaten streak. pic.twitter.com/MAikczrz4o
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) November 1, 2017
Dejan Lovren treated the world to the hottest comedy set of 2017: his performance away to Spurs
And was then threatened with death as a result.
The Houston Astros won their first ever World Series
No, we don’t really care either. But apparently it’s big news.
Head over to PaddyPower.com for the latest Football BettingIn 2014 @SInow predicted that the Houston Astros would win the #WorldSeries in 2017. Can you tell us what wins the National next yr please? pic.twitter.com/9BNxwnbbAb
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) November 2, 2017
