As Saturday’s undisputed heavyweight title fight between Tyson Fury and Oleksandr Usyk fast approaches, a local Boxerciser has some key advice for the self-proclaimed Gypsy King.
Jamesy ‘Clubber ‘Long knows all too well about the sacrifices and dedication the sport requires after attending a couple of Boxercise classes at his local leisure centre recently.
‘You must properly prepare for a fight like this. Big Tyson will know what I’m talking about’, Jamesy told Paddy Power News while injecting his left buttock with an experimental growth hormone.
The 34-year-old described his own gruelling training regimen and strict diet which he’s been adhering to:
‘I get up early, about 11am, and reheat the leftover Chinese from the night before. I take my XL Bully Tinkerbell to the park for a sh*te. Then it’s straight down the gym for a bit of pad work.
‘I switched from fried to boiled rice with my Salted Chilli Chicken and I’ve started mixing my vodka with Diet Coke.
‘It’s not been easy, but these are the sacrifices the likes of myself, and Fury must make’.
Like thousands of men across the UK and Ireland, Jamesy is looking forward to getting p*ssed and saturating social media with his ‘expert’ analysis of the fight.
The stay-at-home son usually takes to Twitter to offer his opinion on where a fighter is going wrong, despite the fact his last physical confrontation with anyone took place at the sand pit in nursery school.
Jamesy said, ‘When the boxing’s on and I’ve had a few beers, I start to play over in my head the brutal fight I took part in thirty odd year ago, when little Ricky Conlan wrecked my sandcastle’.
‘I landed a sweet left hook and a series of rights before Ricky’s corner threw in a green paper towel and the teacher put an end to the contest.
‘Ah, the memories.’
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second.
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