15-months on from their controversial draw in Los Angeles, Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder will go toe-to-toe for the WBC world title once again. However, the much-anticipated bout has been overshadowed by a fascinating undercard contest between an inebriated man who paid £25 for the event and his fight to remain conscious long enough to watch it.
44-year-old Toby Jug, has squandered hundreds of pounds the past few years on pay-per-view sporting events he was way too pissed to stay awake for. Despite his claims to the contrary, Toby will always be found the next morning in a comatose state, still clutching a can of stale lager.
Once woken by his irate spouse, the father-of-two will usually have to Google the outcome of the fight.
However, after lining Frank Warren’s bespoke Savile Row pocket with another £25, Toby is absolutely determined to stay awake this time.
‘I’ve trained hard for this one’, said Toby while chugging on a can of Danish lager. I’ve been developing a reverse sleeping pattern by gradually staying up later and later to watch shite on ITV2. Without a doubt, I will not be knocked out by these 18 cans’, he bragged.
The undercard fighter also revealed how his gruelling training programme had impacted his day-to-day life:
‘I’ve fallen asleep on the job sometimes but these are the sacrifices we have to make’, said the school bus driver.
It’s now only a matter of hours before Toby will plant his arse in his favourite armchair and the world of boxing has had their say on the fight.
Former champ David Haye said: ‘I’ve played it over in my head so many different times. My heart says Toby but my head says he’ll be knocked out after 8 cans’.
Sugar Ray Leonard also weighted in: ‘Toby has impressive drinking abilities and tremendous chins. I truly believe this could be the one fight he stays conscious for’.
Toby’s wife, Helen, however, remains sceptical. ‘Every time I want to get my nails done, we’re skint apparently. But he’s always enough money to pay for these fights. No doubt I’ll come down in the morning to find him in his trunks and snoring like a walrus’.
Meanwhile, a local Boxerciser claims he knows exactly how Fury and Wilder will be feeling right now.
32-year-old Davy Brawler says he knows all too well about the sacrifices and dedication required of professional fighters, having attended two free Boxercise classes down at his local community centre this week. ‘It’s like boxing but without the fear of being brutally punched about the head’, explained Davy.