You’d think celebs would be glad to get out of the spotlight from time to time. A nice quiet night down at the Emirates in one of the posh boxes – emphasis on quiet there – would seem the ideal getaway from the spotlight, but some people just can’t get enough attention.
In fact, many often seem to forget that they’re not the main attraction, so we’ve put together some pointers on how to be a celebrity supporter.
Fake it ’til you make it
Call me old-fashioned, but personally I prefer my royals to be further up themselves than an elephant who thinks he’s got bananas for brains, though if they insist on appearing to be in touch with the common folk then football’s not a bad route to take.
Ok, so no one’s buying that you’re a dyed-in-the-wool Villan if you’re the future king of the nation – your da didn’t buy you your first pie and pint at a Coca Cola Cup fourth round replay – but no one’s going to call you out on it to your face either.
Ebay’s your friend here. That Savo Milosevic shirt you should’ve had when you were 13? You can pick it up online for £25 quid and no one’s the wiser.
And if the corgis have eaten your pocket money, there’s a Bosko Balaban jersey for 1p ending soon.
Anyone who suggests that listening to other points of view broadens the mind has clearly never heard or read a word from Piers Morgan.
You might think that being sacked in disgrace from your job for telling massive porkies might shame you into silence for a few decades, but not this pasty smarmbot. In fact, it only catapulted him, rotten melon-like, towards the fortress of Arsenal Football Club.
Since then he’s forged a role for himself as the appendix of the club’s suffering body, venting bile on the club and wider football through twitter in a way that causes minds to melt whenever they come into contact with his thoughts.
If you want to establish yourself as famous football aficionado, use your social media platform to put out the stupidest opinions possible and you’ll be the centre of discussion in no time.
Nothing succeeds like success
For the ordinary fan, it might seem obvious that you can’t switch your team. Imagine your seven-year-old self was deluded enough to see Sutton and Shearer slam in goals for Blackburn on their way to the league title and thought “Ewood Park looks the kind of place where trophy after trophy just rolls in,” you’ve bitten on the chicken bone of bad luck their my friend and you just have to deal with it for the rest of your life.
But famous folk aren’t constrained by the same small-minded mentality as you and me. They’re many things to many people, and many teams are many things to them.
Look at Justin Bieber.
I support all sports I'll put ANY jersey from ANY pro team if I'm whack for wearing jerseys they give me out of love then I'm Whack
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) June 5, 2017
Loyalty to one team is for rubes. JBiebs is able to spread his favour across half the NBA and NHL whenever he wants – usually it’s when they’re expected to win something – because success follows success.
Whoever heard of a famous person supporting Yeovil or Tranmere, eh? Well, except for Mike Dean, and he’s a bleeding ref.
Fully expect to see Mike Dean giving it large at Wembley today supporting Tranmere in the League 2 play-off final! ? pic.twitter.com/aTM2ktxAgm
— Soccer AM (@SoccerAM) May 25, 2019
No celeb dies from exposure
If he’s not on your telly, or grinning on the red carpet, or filling up your Facebook feed with matey vids of him warbling with over-the-hill popstars – it’s true Britney, I’m sorry – James Corden’s nabbed tickets for the fancy seats at whatever bloody sport is on the telly.
See those sporting calendars for the year you get in December? That’s his diary. Darts, Cheltenham, the Masters, the snooker, Champions League Final, Wimbledon, and in between it’ll be West Ham this and West Ham that all over twitter.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see him popping up at Monmore cheering on the hare the next time I’m in the bookies he’s on telly so much.
But it works. Blag whatever tickets you can, the more prominent the seats the better, and you’ll never fall out of the public eye.
Remember, you’re the star
Ok, so if your team’s the Toronto Raptors in the NBA, the best seats in the house are courtside, so it’s a bit hard to keep a low profile, but Drake seems to think he’s on the team he gets involved in the action so much.
Now his side are on the brink of a first-ever league title, we’d expect to see him talking to the refs, advising on plays, maybe even calling time-outs and giving players pep-talks.
Short of spending seven hours in make-up and being slathered in latex to disguise your identity, you’re always going to stand-out in the fancy seat – and the rubber mask didn’t even work for Mick Hucknall at Old Trafford, so it won’t work for you.
Wait, that wasn’t a mask?! He actually looks like that?